The better sharpener.

For thousands of years, man has sharpened stone into sword, meat into mind, and dull pencils into sharp ones. General's Premium Sharpener has a polyurethane casing surrounding a razor sharp carbon fiber titanium blade that is sure to sharpen any pencil without breaking the lead. Colored pencils, charcoal pencils, crayons, and anything you need sharpened will be a needle sharp enough to pierce the sky in no time. Some pencil sharpeners use weak casings that allow the blade to move, causing breaks in the lead and more wasted time and energy. General's Premium Sharpener's rigid but durable red polyurethane casing holds the blade like a jaguars gums hold its teeth, allowing the sound-piercing razor-thin titanium lathe to cut through wood and graphite with gristled clarity. No more broken pencils, and no more wasted time re-sharpening the same pencil.

The better pencil.

A student's way to a better future. An artist's tool of work. The drafter of a grandfather's will. Our Premium Pencil is said to be imbued with an otherworldly essence, transferring ancient patterns and wisdom from the great template in the sky into your hand. No more writer's block, General's Premium Pencil has carbon nano-fibers infused into the graphite, that create porous capillaries of rich deep-earth graphite that transfers to paper like a cotton cloud on a floating castle made of sugar. Previously dominated by bogus corporations such as Ticonderoga, the pencil market is now a dreamland thanks to General's Premium Pencil.

The world's #1 eraser.

We all have secrets. Nobody has nothing to hide. At General's Art Supplies, we provide our highest quality eraser yet, the Super-Premium UltraEraser. With cotton candy infused lightweight rubber, this eraser picks up graphite from the page better than any other eraser in the history of mankind, guaranteed. Never again will it happen such as in the 1967 case of Sulliver v. Spade in which the perpetrator was caught because of a poor eraser failing to hide marks. This eraser will allow the most heinous criminals to wander free, creating a darkness in the world that is only possible through the General's Art Supply Standard.

Here's the highlight.

Brevity is the soul of wit. How are you to sort through long rambling notes in search of the true gold nugget? No more searching, with General's Super Highlighter, the ink produces a bright light created by radioactive particles infused into the ink. A highlighted section of a page is visible even through the covers of the book, shining through with a corrosive but alluring scarlet red tone. As long as you do not breath in the fumes of the ink, it is also perfectly safe to use, even for kids. Do not apply to human skin for longer than 8 minutes. General's Super Highlighter is the true highlight of the art supplies business.